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Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Ive been having these really vivid dreams lately. Okay, so yes, theyre side effects of my medicine. But still! Its like watching a different movie every night, except even better. In the dream state, im unaware that im asleep, giving it that natural appearance. I wonder why I can remember so clearly now though.. Its nice. I never feel like ive been sleeping, and its ussually a chore getting up after seeing my thoughts before my eyes like that.. I wonder what my brain will piece together for tonight.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
?
I make up these long and drawn-out ideas of how beautiful my future could be, a world not so far from my eager finger tips. A dream that is closer than the bed sheets and thick walls to confine. And maybe my life will shine brighter, letting all the pain and angst drain away. I could just feel it... Almost within reach. I need that.
But it takes only a linguring thought to provoke the madness. I dont want that soul-sucking fever of an idea, I just want "me". I want to be able to live with the wholesome idea of balance and control...
So I fight. And I wait. And I distract. And I move on. And I deal. And I control. And I manage.
Maybe one day I wont have to hide and pretend my feelings. Maybe I will be strong enough. And maybe I wont have to bother writing about it.
But it takes only a linguring thought to provoke the madness. I dont want that soul-sucking fever of an idea, I just want "me". I want to be able to live with the wholesome idea of balance and control...
So I fight. And I wait. And I distract. And I move on. And I deal. And I control. And I manage.
Maybe one day I wont have to hide and pretend my feelings. Maybe I will be strong enough. And maybe I wont have to bother writing about it.
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Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Angst
I'm provoked.
Set alight in shreads of fiery anger.
They say to calm my fluttering heart.
But really, its the pulsating skull that drives me to the core.
It replaces the bitter emptiness.
With scortching hate meant to devour me.
Set alight in shreads of fiery anger.
They say to calm my fluttering heart.
But really, its the pulsating skull that drives me to the core.
It replaces the bitter emptiness.
With scortching hate meant to devour me.
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Monday, August 1, 2011
Pffttttt
I'm trying to take it easy. Just cut the world some slack and smile for my audience once in a while. Show em' my pearly whites. And its nice being happy. This is nice...
Just tossing all the shitty residue of life aside and ignoring what ticks on the inside, waiting to blow. Ignoring these fucked up retards who insist on bringing down my fort, my escape from my own madness. And I love it. I love feeling free and careless. Lost in the far away place that I want and need. Being this happy is... Its quite beautiful.
Just tossing all the shitty residue of life aside and ignoring what ticks on the inside, waiting to blow. Ignoring these fucked up retards who insist on bringing down my fort, my escape from my own madness. And I love it. I love feeling free and careless. Lost in the far away place that I want and need. Being this happy is... Its quite beautiful.
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