Pathetic

The pain. It never truly leaves, but entangles itself in the deepest chambers of my mind. When exposed, the pain is like a depthless prism of darkness void of all meaning. What comes in never really makes it out. It stays only to accompany me during my most vulnerable moments. This blinding pain is everything and nothing at all. Nothing. Not the slightest of importance. My god, I wish I had the ability to rationalize these decepyful and irrevocable thoughts. No matter how hard my conscious thrives to fight it, pain bites down and controls me. It makes me cruel and blunt. Exposed but vague. Irritable and alarming. I'm a mindles creature. A freak.  The pain dehumanizes you like none other. Prevents you from seeing reality and holds you back while you scream and struggle. In the end, everything is useless to the ones who are too tired to be saved. Tired of not being happy. Tired of not feeling emotions that every person deverves to feel. Pain is a drug. It decepts you and forbids you from what lays within reach. It rocks your world upside down and demands that you embrace the cruelty around you. And then it laughs at you because it knows you will and have always been lost. As this sinks in, you begin to lose all sanity and laugh along with your own pain and destruction. You laugh because that's all you know. You laugh because you are weak. And you accept it.