I try to get close to someone and it backfires so hard, I can't seem to breath and I'm right back to where I started. How many times will I fall back to where I began? How many times can I restart my heart until it finally crashes? Oh, who cares! This is why I was not meant to be happy. My foundations are unfolding and I'm not sure how long they'll last. 

I'm not worth a second of anyone's time... and vise versa. I'm considerably unhinged and unable to keep my mouth shut when it really should be. All I do is push people away but go figure, I bring out the worst in myself.  In my world, there is nothing to hold onto. Nothing worth the fight. I AM nothing. And I have people to thank for... people who frequently remind me of why I'd love so much to throw my gift of life away. Tell me it's all worth it. Give me some kind of sign that things will somehow work out. My god, just fucking lie to me! But don't let me sit here and fall farther and farther into the dark... it's so awful living this way. Unbearable... so painful. Please, help me.