A Dream

A few nights ago, I drempt of you. It was the saddest and happiest memory I've had... since, well, the last few months that you followed in my subconscious. It nearly killed me to just see you. It was all so unreal... like nothing had ever happened. Warmth filled the air; it filled your family and friends. Your sister was enriched with normalcy, something I wish so badly she had now. We were all happy with not a care in the world. It was as if you had never left us. As if you had been there all that time and not so far off.

In my dream, I was not exactly "thrilled" to see you. I was shocked. How do I put this... I felt destroyed. Again! Completely dramatized. I felt my lungs close around themselves, making it almost impossible to breath. I wanted to reach for you... just grasp the thought that you were real! My dream self thought nothing out of the ordinary but underneath the surface, something was cracking its well-bound barriers. My foundations were falling to pieces. I knew something was wrong and I couldn't pinpoint it. Every time I saw your face, tears would ripple down my trembling cheeks. I would hide in your room so you couldn't see me like that. I didn't understand why I was crying... I was with my closest friends, after all. It was all so strange. It was only after I had awoken that the truth finally rose to the occasion. 

You're too far. You will always be too far to reach. Life isnt meant to be fair, it was only meant to challenge our sanity. And after so much cruelty, you fall like everyone else. You fall and you get up. You get right back up from the beginning and let everything unfold on it's own because that's all you can do. It's so fucking unbearable. Do people learn to accept this way of life? It's beyond me. So fucking beyond me.